The Cotillion Party

Girls were in dresses and corsages, and boys were in tuxedos and boutonnieres, what a lovely scene with a stunning formality: meeting the parents, picturing, limo, and a formal dinner preceding the dance. It was a bit chaotic for us to get ready- the Shiseido lady forgot to show up for the make-up appointment; we rushed to get lavender eye shadow; and then i was the hairdresser, the make-up artitis and the chauffer. She was pleased in the end, and looked beautiful and gorgeous, but would be better with a professional hairdo though, my bad.

Before the party, I worried to show up as a single parent while others were all couples. Jeff, her date, is one of her best friends, a rich kid with a plain look. They did not really look like an item, I have to say. Leslie, Jeff’s mother was very thoughtful and considerate: she chose a sliver Tuxedo for Jeff to match Cynthia’s purple dress, and bought orchid boutonnieres and corsage to match the overall color; Jeff’s father was not there, and she spent most of the time with me in the crowds.

It is a complicated when dealing with Cynthia. Often feeling guilty for not being able to provide a normal family life for her; but the same time, felt not being appreciated for what I have done for her. Irritated sometimes, but regret afterwards. I wish I could be a better mom to her.

Christmas in NYC

The holidays are finally over, and life is back to its old track but busier. Working on a review article recruited by Rob, can not say not. Career is taking on its wings, to a place I never thought it would be.

Cynthia and I spent the Christmas in NYC and New Jersey with a group of friends. We strolled in Manhattan the day before Christmas Eve and saw Mama Mia live on Broadway. Two years living in Manhattan, did not really enjoy it at all, but start to appreciate it on this return. It has been 10 years!

Thank Rachel and Kirk, for hosting a party to take us all together. Gloria looks fantastic at her age (68, 69?). She is a woman distinct from others, not science per se, but more of an interesting and talented woman. She was divorced at my age, raised a son to her expectation and has lived a life to its fullest. Eating, drinking, shopping, traveling, she enjoys them all. She met Dr. Lin, a man who adores her and complements her existence. She is a role model for me in some ways, but not all. I am striving for a more spiritual life, besides enjoying it.

Honghai and Limin are like family, so many memories in their ranch house sitting in the Princeton town, especially around this time of the year. Cynthia was 4 when they bought this house, and we spent the first Christmas together. Over the years, we visited sporadically, each time with Cynthia growing bigger, and always with a feeling of welcoming and warmth. We watched a videotape taken by Chen, Xinqian, a camping trip we went together when Cynthia was 5 year old-time flies and people change. In an old Chinese poem: forever can we live, to share the everlasting moon?

June, if one day you are reading this blog, you will know how happy I feel for you. I have never seen June in such good state and spirit. It once again convinces me that 40s are really the best years for women. We are no longer simply pursuing a concept of happiness, but the true meaning of it. Not to focus on what we do not have, but enjoy what we are given and left. No longer bothered by how we are perceived, but feel free for being ourselves.

Where to go after death

Last evening had a quick glance on Larry King interviewing Patrick Swayze's wife Lisa Niemi. He asked if Patrick was a believer, knowing where he would be going after death. Patrick wanted to believe in God and Heaven but also had doubts in his life, “no, he did not, but he knows now”, Niemi answered.

I wish I could overcome my “doubts” and be intellectually deceptive to follow one religion.
But, am I really bothered by not knowing where to go in afterlife?

Mother

Mother is in such a manic state. She shops everyday, buying everything she can find; accuses my father of infidelity, and solicits her traditional Chinese medicine doctor to everyone she knows. Belligerent, she was filing complaints against a bus driver who asked her not to move around on the bus. Confused and disoriented, she lost herself twice on the streets in recent weeks. My sister and I have been talking to get her to hospital and force for treatment. Father rejected our idea though, rather suffering himself than seeing my mother being institutionalized (in his words). He is such a wonderful man to my mother, but never being appreciated. It takes more than morality to endure, must be love, or something I can not comprehend.

End of the Affair

Last night watched a movie on Netflix, called "end of the affair", it is not an "affair", it is real passion and love, between a man and a woman. It worth all the risks, either die in real, or suffocate in living.

the Birthday is here

Turning 43 in 2 days, should I feel sad? Not really.
The worst was turning 40. I was panic and upset a couple of months prior to the big number. Something good came out of it though- exercise has since become my routine. Never thought I could do it.

A weekend back to its normalcy

Finally caught up with my work! First weekend after back from China with no immediate urgency, and one hour extra from daylight saving, quick relaxed.
The Friday night was a night of ideal, it felt so right!
Saturday started with a morning run, followed by some chores, a nice brunch at Chinese restaurant with Cynthia. Xiaoyu gave her a hair cut. We had tapioca strawberry at the ice house with Shiqun. A little work with Ying, no-brainer, chatting while doing all the counting.
We were back to the Lakewood. Joel’s preach consoled me as always, and the energy there was enormous. Although not a Christian, I love the feeling for being there.