Mexican painter Frida Kahlo
Frida was a woman, so intense, passionate and yet imperfect, she followed her heart, and suffered from what that brought to her. Her physical pain and emotional wound were expressed in her paintings, with such a strong visual effect. She was a woman so exceptional and so damaged. The movie explicits well, and the acting is phenomenonal.
That is what a good movie does to me: it makes me think, it haunts me, and it relates to myself.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Responding to a greeting from internet dating site
J, sorry that I did not even read your profile when i responded to you, i looked the pictures though.
I am paying my bills online- it is also the time I can sit by my personal computer in a day. I saw your email through, clicked it, it opened your profile directly.
This website is good, allows us to meet different people, but it also can be very distracting. We sometimes take it light. When we are busy, we forgot to write back; may be another profile is more interesting, let's forget the previous one... I do get a lot messages each day, i do that often.
I have been divorced for over a year, a similar length to yours.
I am learning, as time moves along.
It was very hard in the beginning, being through the emotional roller coaster; to overcome the fears; and to be on myself, everything.
We are afraid of being alone, especially when children are not around. Besides, we need confirmation as a man or woman, the best way is to date.
But, it is not all a joyful journey, we feel disappointed, embarrassed, hurt, and... the instability and uncertainty.
I am thinking now, we have to be comfortable for being alone, not rush into anything which by gut feeling is not right, and will know when the right person comes along.
I am paying my bills online- it is also the time I can sit by my personal computer in a day. I saw your email through, clicked it, it opened your profile directly.
This website is good, allows us to meet different people, but it also can be very distracting. We sometimes take it light. When we are busy, we forgot to write back; may be another profile is more interesting, let's forget the previous one... I do get a lot messages each day, i do that often.
I have been divorced for over a year, a similar length to yours.
I am learning, as time moves along.
It was very hard in the beginning, being through the emotional roller coaster; to overcome the fears; and to be on myself, everything.
We are afraid of being alone, especially when children are not around. Besides, we need confirmation as a man or woman, the best way is to date.
But, it is not all a joyful journey, we feel disappointed, embarrassed, hurt, and... the instability and uncertainty.
I am thinking now, we have to be comfortable for being alone, not rush into anything which by gut feeling is not right, and will know when the right person comes along.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Gloomy Sunday
Watching a movie over weekend, it is one of a kind, very touched. The center music piece is called "Gloomy Sunday", a Hungarian Suicide Song. The melody is beautiful, but does deliver a sense of crushing hopelessness and bitter despair.
Here is the lyrics
Sunday is Gloomy,
My hours are slumberless,
Dearest, the shadows I live with are numberless
Little white flowers will never awaken you
Not where the black coach of sorrow has taken you
Angels have no thought of ever returning you
Would they be angry if I thought of joining you
Gloomy Sunday
Sunday is gloomy
with shadows I spend it all
My heart and I have decided to end it all
Soon there'll be flowers and prayers that are sad,
I know, let them not weep,
Let them know that I'm glad to go
Death is no dream,
For in death I'm caressing you
With the last breath of my soul I'll be blessing you
Gloomy Sunday
Dreaming
I was only dreaming
I wake and I find you
Asleep in the deep of
My heart
Dear
Darling I hope that my dream never haunted you
My heart is telling you how much I wanted you
Gloomy Sunday
Here is the lyrics
Sunday is Gloomy,
My hours are slumberless,
Dearest, the shadows I live with are numberless
Little white flowers will never awaken you
Not where the black coach of sorrow has taken you
Angels have no thought of ever returning you
Would they be angry if I thought of joining you
Gloomy Sunday
Sunday is gloomy
with shadows I spend it all
My heart and I have decided to end it all
Soon there'll be flowers and prayers that are sad,
I know, let them not weep,
Let them know that I'm glad to go
Death is no dream,
For in death I'm caressing you
With the last breath of my soul I'll be blessing you
Gloomy Sunday
Dreaming
I was only dreaming
I wake and I find you
Asleep in the deep of
My heart
Dear
Darling I hope that my dream never haunted you
My heart is telling you how much I wanted you
Gloomy Sunday
Trying to keep up in the downs
Into May, my worry for the house has caused several sleepless nights. Keep telling myself it is ok and it will fall through, but does not help at all. Calling home always brings my mood down. Mother is not doing well, getting weaker and weaker over time. I am frightened by thinking of how long she will be still there.
Feeling so out of control and so helpless, the only explanation making sense is being tested for endurance, and will be taken care in the end. I can only wish for a strong and resilient self, optimistic for unforeseen events. It can be really difficult to keep the spirit up, but just have to try harder. I tend to turn myself to work when I am depressed. It is something I can control, and in return, it brings peace and a sense of accomplishment to my life.
Yesterday was Mother’s day. Cynthia has become a huge comfort in my life, it makes Mother’s day so sweet. We had brunch at Café express, one of my favor restaurants. Sitting by the window and looking at people strolling in the early summer breeze, my heart was delighted. We had Danish blue cheese burger with fried sweet potato, chips with guacamole, really delicious. Later we went shopping, and each bought a dress for the summer. In the afternoon, after dropping her for the clarinet lesson, I ran. It was really humid, but I was so glad I did it.
Feeling so out of control and so helpless, the only explanation making sense is being tested for endurance, and will be taken care in the end. I can only wish for a strong and resilient self, optimistic for unforeseen events. It can be really difficult to keep the spirit up, but just have to try harder. I tend to turn myself to work when I am depressed. It is something I can control, and in return, it brings peace and a sense of accomplishment to my life.
Yesterday was Mother’s day. Cynthia has become a huge comfort in my life, it makes Mother’s day so sweet. We had brunch at Café express, one of my favor restaurants. Sitting by the window and looking at people strolling in the early summer breeze, my heart was delighted. We had Danish blue cheese burger with fried sweet potato, chips with guacamole, really delicious. Later we went shopping, and each bought a dress for the summer. In the afternoon, after dropping her for the clarinet lesson, I ran. It was really humid, but I was so glad I did it.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
A typical weekend slips away
Cynthia had the spring concert on Friday night, I went alone as usual. She was looking for me in the theater, brought me to sit with Bet, Sarah’s mother. Nice of her thinking of me, I had good time there.
Saturday Morning, leaving the car at firestone to change engine oil and for tire alignment, I got to sit in Starbucks. Love coffee shops and bookstores, sipping coffee, and having a book in hand, watching people in and out, sharing a smile with next tables, and relaxing in the bright sun. It is really one of the favorite things to do on a weekend in town.
Weather is gorgeous, and how can one not to feel guilty to stay inside! On both days, I ran. Memorial park is one; then is Rice campus. The trails are mostly shadowed by trees, and many people are there running. Running is boring, but gets easier if having companies. I guess that is why people drive distance to run in these places. To catch the slipping away weekend, in this evening, I grabbed a book, and read in the hot tube. It feels so right lying by the pool, and letting the mind and body unwind.
Saturday Morning, leaving the car at firestone to change engine oil and for tire alignment, I got to sit in Starbucks. Love coffee shops and bookstores, sipping coffee, and having a book in hand, watching people in and out, sharing a smile with next tables, and relaxing in the bright sun. It is really one of the favorite things to do on a weekend in town.
Weather is gorgeous, and how can one not to feel guilty to stay inside! On both days, I ran. Memorial park is one; then is Rice campus. The trails are mostly shadowed by trees, and many people are there running. Running is boring, but gets easier if having companies. I guess that is why people drive distance to run in these places. To catch the slipping away weekend, in this evening, I grabbed a book, and read in the hot tube. It feels so right lying by the pool, and letting the mind and body unwind.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Life is so unpredictable
It was really shocking to hear Dai diagnosed with lymphoma and flew back to China for treatment. Had thought many times to invite him for dinner or some sort of the gathering, but postponed because “too busy” and “it will be time”. My invitation finally went out last week, however, no response back but the bad news came all the way from China.
Dai is two years younger than me, a young oncologist, strived all the way to the presence. Hard to imagine what is in his mind now. Life is so unpredictable, nothing will last forever, and health should never be taken for granted. Also realize how isolated we are here. Cameron’s office is next to my door, and I was completely oblivious of it.
Dai is two years younger than me, a young oncologist, strived all the way to the presence. Hard to imagine what is in his mind now. Life is so unpredictable, nothing will last forever, and health should never be taken for granted. Also realize how isolated we are here. Cameron’s office is next to my door, and I was completely oblivious of it.
It is not that simple
Leaving Jack, appeared to be easy in the beginning, but it starts to come back to haunt me. First time having a dream of him, woke up in the middle of the night, not knowing where I was. Activated my Match.com, thought it would help me to get over him, but only found out no interest in anyone out there.
Emptiness is a feeling hard to describe, it comes to haunt when things quite down at night. I told Lu that I feel so alone, it is alone, not lonely. My days are filled with activities, but I am alone deep down. It is a sense of floating, rootless, fear of being blown away in strong wind.
Emptiness is a feeling hard to describe, it comes to haunt when things quite down at night. I told Lu that I feel so alone, it is alone, not lonely. My days are filled with activities, but I am alone deep down. It is a sense of floating, rootless, fear of being blown away in strong wind.
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