A life gone too soon

I was involved in the care of an 18 yo girl, who had an aggressive form of lymphoma, recurred and developed fatal complication. She died on Sunday, a life gone so soon.

I visited her almost everyday during her 2-week hospitalization, I also took John and Cynthia there visit her. Her condition was temporally improved by high dose corticosteroid, and she was talking, eating and planning for future. Sweet and soft in nature, she rarely complained. Death never came cross her mind, she thought that she would be cured at this #1 cancer hospital in the world, and that she would go back to school in the fall. Saturday afternoon, I checked her labs, I knew she was close to her term. I talked to her mother, a tiny framed woman who speaks no English at all, that she had to be prepared for the worst. I went back to see the girl at 8pm after I got the Chinese bread one time she enjoyed so much, she had chills and not interested in the food at all. She tried to smile and said “good bye” to me by the time I left.

She died the next day around noon. It was heart-breaking to see her mom hugging and talking to her. Dad called from China and the phone was placed by her ear. It was hard to imagine what he said to her for farewell.

Mom told us later that the girl had a dream the night before death: she came to a beautiful garden, with evergreen grass. Two fairies handed apples to her, she woke up from sleep talking “don’t drop, don’t drop…”

Hope she is at a better place now, no suffering and no fear. Hope her mom find solace in the memory of her happy days and knowing that she is now being taken care by the upper beings.

Have I found it?

I was thinking last night after waking up in his arm, that i may have found the one.
I dreamed of having a man who truly understands me; however, in many years, i thought it was not possible.
He knows me so well: my frustration, sadness, joy, my mind and my heart...
I feel the click, at the deepest levels.
is this so called "soul mate"

Love Letter to My Daughter (for the senior retreat)

Feb 14th, 2012

Dear Cynthia,

There comes a point in my life when I realize:

Who matters,
Who never did,
Who won't anymore...
And who always will…

You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me and the finest accomplishment in my life. You've brought love into my life, a love that will never fade.

I remember when you were a little baby, I spent hours just watching you sleep, reveling in the joy and wonder that you have brought into my life. I have enjoyed every phase of your growth ever since. “Winnie the Pooh”, “the sound of music” “Liz Maguire”… ballet, gymnastics, figure skating…day care, kindergarten, elementary school…high school… Time elapsed in a blink, and I have not wanted you to grow so fast!

In these years, we have together experienced ups and downs in life. In many ways, you are like my friend, and my good companion. What a gift life has granted me, and how much I am blessed for having you!

My girl, wow, you are 17 now. Do you know that you have surprised me in many ways? You are beautiful, have I already told you so? You are smart, and a high achiever, you have made me a really proud mom! Best of all, you have grown into a responsible and courageous young woman, with good judgment and character. My Baobai, as much as I want you to stay close by for college, you have my total trust in whatever and wherever you choose for your future.

Here is my favorite quote from “The Hours” that I would like to share with you:

“I remember one morning getting up at dawn, there was such a sense of possibility. You know, that feeling? And I remember thinking to myself: So, this is the beginning of happiness. This is where it starts. And of course there will always be more. It never occurred to me it wasn't the beginning. It was happiness. It was the moment. Right then”

Enjoy the youth, and the sense of possibility it brings to you, and fly with your dreams. Remember, my love will be always with you.

Love,
Mom

i went banana

I went crazy this morning after Cynthia blamed me misplaced her cream for her Canker ulcer.
She had trouble to find this cream so many times in the past,
it requires prescription;
I got one from China, almost late for my airplane
I brought back, and told her that it should always stay in the same medicine box,
She could not find last night, the first thing she asked me in the morning was "where did you put it!"
I went banana!
after catching my breathe, i went to the medicine box,
it was right there!
it was in Chinese, she might have trouble to identify it.
I showed her, guess what, she said "it was definitely not there, where did you find it exactly?"
I went double banana !
she took it in her hand, then went upstairs then downstairs packing.
After she got all done, guess what,
she asked me "where did you put the cream?"
I went triple banana!
I looked all over, could not find it!
She was late for school, and i decided not to drive her.
My blood pressure just dropped to normal after 3 hrs.